He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
