So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
