remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
