She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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