Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
