are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
worst night to have a conscience
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
