My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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