The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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