He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
