I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
