Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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