Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
