His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
a search helicopter?!
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
