i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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