Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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