I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
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You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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