We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
