They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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