i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
