U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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