Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
It's Friday. Sex?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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