I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Someone shattered a urinal.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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