i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
