I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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