So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
