She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You took a bar mat shot.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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