Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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