Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
