the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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