Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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