the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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