if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
