there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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