Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
