I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
