Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize