I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
