No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
