She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
