dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize