I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
