is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
ttyl tear gas
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
