ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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