why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I think my fart just growled at me.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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