wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
