I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
