Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
