I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
