Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
