I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
