"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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