dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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