it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
