he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
