its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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