oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
