That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
