This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
