that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
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My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
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Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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