Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
