i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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