Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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