I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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