How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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