If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
