dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
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