you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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