Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We are all done wearing pants today
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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