How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I cannot find my penis.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The feeling are messing with the penis
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
