That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
