he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
