If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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