I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i will never coherently bang her
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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