Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
