I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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