Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
