So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
