We won't sleep together?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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