So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
