Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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