Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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