so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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