It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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