I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
