It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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